I feel a life crisis coming on! Aaarrrgghhh.

Sorry it’s sideways, I don’t know how to flip it. But this is mom’s bf Ross(L) and his friend Steve(R) looking at the fire.

I’m going to my first ever pride fest in alberquerque on Sunday! I’m pretty excited about it. My quasi exGf is going with me, along with our friend from work and one of our customers. It will be interesting to see how the 4 of us get along outside of work. Pride in Santa fe is in 2 weeks, so we’re gonna try to go to that one too. Anywho.. Off to bed.

Went on a hike today and the pups took a break.

Melaney, this is for you, since I don’t post enough :0) I will start posting more but you don’t get to judge me for it… Recently divorced, newly single lesbians in Los Alamos aren’t typically the most exciting people to read… “uh so I got stuck in traffic today cuz they’re repaving the one intersection with a signal”… It’s even boring to live thru it sis!

Ok. Perhaps I will post another exciting happening tomorrow. Goodnight.

Maddie and I were a super hero duo for Halloween!

Bleh.

I met up with Laurie in albq tonight, after spending the day with Michael. We got to talking, and I let it slip that Aly and I have split. Which led of course to a great big old discussion of why and when and all that. It was hard to talk about, to explain everything without making Aly sound like a jerk, or making me feel like a jerk. The truth of it is that we BOTH failed at this marriage, and no matter which “side” you’re on, it doesn’t get any easier.

Now I’m laying in bed and just playing back a reel of memories from the last 4 years, and I’m sad, and I’m lonely. I miss my sisters. I miss my friends. And I miss the “could have been” part of my life. I constantly wonder if this is the right choice, and I haven’t found the answer yet. What I do know is that I should have just opened up and leaned on my friends more, instead of pretending that I was ok. Because I’m not right now. I know I will be, but right now, I’m just so tired. I don’t want to be alone, but I can’t fathom the thought of dating, or even just hooking up. I want to go home, but where is home? :0( i have a lot of doubt right now. Will I succeed as a shift lead? Will I make friends? Am I ever going to find a damn apartment for me AND maddie? I just want to sleep for a week. :0/

I am exhausted.

badmansworld:

things i’m sick of

• getting text messages that say “i miss you!” when they make no effort beyond that to fix the situation

I miss you and I think you should come to NM soon!! :0(

I put up a song lyric on fb today, and it wasn’t intended for who everyone would have thought. :0/

but I do think of —you— every now and then, and wonder if you’re thinking about me too?

IS FUCKING STUPID. that is all..

oh wait. if maddie doesn’t stop fucking barking I’m gonna kick her..

now that is all.